The Secret Lives of Those Magical Dudes
by yeecat
Summary: An Animorphs fanfic about what Crayak, the Ellimist, and my precious (I mean the Drode) do outside of the Animorphs books. It's pretty out-of-character :/ Don't like it, don't read. Rewriting this.
1. I Want My Ice Cream

**CRAYAK'S POV**

I walked into my house and said in my manly man voice, "Honey I'm home!"

"Oh hi bossman where were you?" the Drode asked.

"Your face," I said.

"You were in my face?" he asked.

"Your face."

"I'll take that as a yes."

I opened my freezer and looked inside, then glared at him. "Speaking of you taking stuff, where's my ice cream?"

"Uh..." he pointed to a dead Howler.

He's dead you're stupid," I said.

"No you're stupid because you made their life spans too short."

"No YOU'RE stupid."

"Why?" the Drode asked.

"Because I said so," I said.

"BAD DOG," the Drode yelled at me.

"YOU'RE THE BAD DOG!" I yelled back. I put the cone of shame on his face. "Everyone get out here You too David!"

All my Howlers came. There's like fifty gazillion of them. Or you know a hundred. And also this ugly rat. His name is David but he's not the Animorph. He's just a rat that wandered in.

Maybe I miss the real David.

SO WHUT

AND DON'T SHIP US BRUH

"Okay the Drode now wears the cone of shame," I told them. "Shame him."

The Howlers all came up and farted in his face. David nibbled on his eyeball. David likes eyeballs. They're actually pretty tasty.

SO WHUT IF I EAT THE EYEBALLS OF DEAD HOWLERS THEY'RE ALREADY DEAD

"Okay drode now go do your job. If you do good you no longer wear the cone of shame," I said. "And get me some ice cream."

He took his cell phone and one of the Howler's wallet then left.

"Everyone, out," I ordered. David went into his rat hole. The Howlers followed him in there. It's more like a Howler hole than a rat hole. Oh well.

I flopped on the couch. I wished I had ice cream. But My Little Pony was going to be on soon, and I was watching it, ice cream or no ice cream.

Ice cream would have been better though.

So what do you think? :3


	2. Lonely

**Ellimist's POV**

"Oh its a wonderful day in the neighborhood!" I sang. I looked out the window. There was some kind of huge explosion. Rats were fighting over a chunk of waffle. People were running arund flailing their arms. The Drode was looking inside. "Well then never mind," I said and closed the blinds.

I looked around my own lonely, lonely home. It was so lonely I was so alone. So, so, alone... I whimpered and laid down on my couch.

BUT WAIT

There was the Drode! He was there! I WASN'T alone! Ha take that universe!

Except I'm the one people go "take that universe" to.

Gawsh I need some help. This lonliness is getting to me.

But now I wasn't lonely anymore because the Drode was here, and we could frolic! Never mind the fact that I've never frolicked with him before... or anyone... I don't have friends...

Then I realized.

"WHUT DRODE YOU'RE STALKING ME?!" I shouted. I violently opened the curtains. The Drode waved at me. I shut them.

"I think I'm better with my fake friends," I said and turned ont he TV. My Little Pony was on. It's a good show. My only friends are those ponies. I'm very lonely okay you don't have to rub it in!

The Drode walked in.

I started crying. I was emotional. That show's pretty intense, you know?

"It didn't smell THAT bad," the Drode said.

I realized he had farted. I took my big huge majestic beard and shoved it into my nostrils. He was wrong. It DID smell that bad. (A/N: I know it's rated K but farts are the worst that happen okay deal with it)

The Drode pulled out his cell phone and took a picture of me.

"What was that for?" I demanded.

He didn't look up from his phone as he said, "My work. I need to lose the cone of shame." Then he raised his head with a wild look in his eyes. "That cone... It DOES things to you... Bob was never the same..."

"Ooookay," I said awkwardly. I looked back at the TV. I used to worry I might be the mentally unstable one of the group. I mean, all this lonliness, it's pretty intense, you know? YOU KNOW?! But now I knew I was safe.

"So hi."

"Um, hi."

"I thought you wanted a friend."

I gave hima hungry, desperate look. Maybe I'm not as safe as I had thought. "Of course," I said.

"So you know what friends do?" the Drode asked.

"Um..." I thought hard about it. I've never really had a friend. I mean, what DO they do? Did I really want one so bad? What if they were like dogs, and you had to feed them and water them and take them on walks or else they get really depressed or like die or something? (A/N: I love dogs please don't be offended by that) What of a friend was more trouble than it was worth, like that exotic plant that looked really cool but needed like five gallons of water a day and STANK SO BAD?! I mean, I was going through a lot of trouble to find one, and I still didn't have any.

He sighed. "You really are lonely, aren't you? Well, one thing they do is give each other gifts." He smiled. "here you go." The Drode pulled out a chainsaw and turned it on.

I'm no expert on friends. But I really don't think they go all physco chainsaw murder on each other, right? Right? or maybe they do. Is that fun?

I was sure I was about to find out.

dun dun dah

is the Ellimsit going to die?

Is this going to become a tragedy instead of a comedy?

Are Ellimist fans going to violently dismemeber me?

Did I take this up to K+ level?

Will I ever shut up?


	3. Friends?

**Drode's POV**

I really scared the Ellimist.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!" he screamed. "IF THIS IS WHAT FRIENDS DO THEN I DON'T WANT ANY! OH MY FACE, GET AWAY FROM ME!"

I hadn't MEANT to scare him. But, hey, it was hilarious. So maybe I dragged it on a bit longer than I should have. And took some pictures. There was no way I would be wearing the cone of shame for long.

"Chill," I said after a few minutes. I turned it off. "I'm not going to kill you or anything. By the way, did you say 'oh my face'?"

"Uh, maybe," he mumbled. "So, if you didn't want to hurt me-"

"I never said that." I turned it on and smiled.

He started screaming again. Man, can that dude scream. You'd think I had just burst into his room waving a chainsaw.

Um.

It may have looked like that from his angle.

I turned it off. "I don't want to hurt you, okay? It's just a gift. For you. After all, it's what _friends_ do." I emphasized the last part on purpose. See, he's so lonely, he'll do ANYTHING if he thinks you're his friend. I almost feel sorry for him.

Almost.

Actually, not at all.

"We're friends?" the Ellimist said. He started crying. "Tears of joy," he assured me. Tried to assure me, but I'd prefer if he was crying for real. "Thank you so much! Nobody's ever given me a present before!"

Wrong. I'd given him an old dog toy so he'd do my job. And it's not like that was along time ago. It was yesterday.

That counts, right? As muchas what I was going to do to him.

"Just don't freak out," I said.

"I won't," the Ellimist promised. "Oh, I'm so happy!"

I turned the chainsaw back on. The Ellimist actually didn't freak out.

I shaved his beard.

I took a picture.

"What was that for?" the Ellimist complained.

"We're friends, right?" I asked. He nodded vigorously, looking worried. Even better- make him think he's losing you as a friend. "Well, that beard was hideous. I did you a favor."

He seemed confused. Good thing he doesn't know much about friends. He actually thought that was normal. The Ellimist hesitated, then nodded. "Right. Thanks. You're a good friend. The best."

 _The only,_ I thought, and left.

so the Drode's actually a little in character. That's good. I think.

What do you think?


End file.
